What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 09:02
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why do I want to suck cock, after smoking methamphetamine?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What does it mean when someone is pretending to be me?
But, we were locked up after school.
It was going to be , some day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Who then, do I blame.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ive learnt so much.
Why do some people dislike Gilmore girls?
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She wouldn,t have been !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I write beautiful poetry .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I could never make a relationship work though!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She loved him until the end.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was very sick at this time too.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My life is so biszare .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What did i know ?
I was seconnd youngest,
This is soul school!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She found it foreign!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
We were not on the streets..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was in good health!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I think the readers, may guess!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So whats the point in blame.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But it wasn’t much.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He knew the spot.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
When she asked me how she looked .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But ive been too sick for many years..
I couldn’t, believe it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?